Underdog

David said to Saul, “Don’t let anyone be discouraged by him; your servant will go and fight this Philistine! ” But Saul replied, “You can’t go fight this Philistine. You’re just a youth, and he’s been a warrior since he was young.” 1 Samuel 17:32-33 HCSB http://bible.com/72/1sa.17.32-33.HCSB

Being an underdog has always been a battle within my head. This has been something that I have been trying hard to work out of my system. There have been times when I have walked into a room full of pastors and I felt like I am highly unqualified to be standing in the same room as these. These are men and women of God that have done great things, lead great things and have served in ways I don't even dream of. It doesn't matter if I had more theological training than them. It doesn't matter if I had more years of practical experience. It doesn't matter who my mentors were and how qualified they were in building me up. In fact, it doesn't matter whether in a metric sense I had done more. In a sense, it doesn't matter who they are and where they come from, I still felt like the small pea in the room. And when I visit their churches, I feel like, if only I am as capable as them then I may be able to make an impact as they seemed to have made. Or when they speak, I wished I had the eloquence that they have. I have to confess, often times I look at my peers and see giants, not in the negative sense but rather it is just that they are so much better than I am. I feel out of place and insignificant. I feel like I have no contribution to offer. This is a constant battle. It is a comparison I make within my head regardless of what people around me say. And this is toxic.

My wife has noticed this with me. She has noticed my constant drive to learn and improve. Not that these are necessarily bad things but rather she see it ending up as a never ending pursuit. She see it as  becoming my drive for the sake to prove to myself. And this is wrong. Looking at the account of David and Goliath, you see a boy that is essentially an under dog coming to fight against a warrior trained at birth. It is a fight between a seemingly unqualified kid verses that of a battle-harden warrior. But David was not afraid. David volunteer to meet this foe and challenge. It wasn't because David is secretly more qualified but rather David was called and empowered by God. It was this sense of God calling him to act that David knows he will be empowered to accomplish this task. And this is the mindset I find myself needing to work on. I am not more qualified in life based on what I know and can do but rather my qualification comes from my calling. And as God has called, God will enable and empower to do the task. This is what I need to focus on. The Spirit within will